Trying Really (really) hard to Make a Crush Jealous

The story of Danny R. is one of my personal favorites, because it involves my favorite strategy within “playing the game:” manipulation.

Paul, who had a girlfriend (and my complete and total affection) threw a party. Of course I went. Was I invited??…. Well certainly not by him. In fact when I showed up he said “wtf is she doing here?” Ouch that hurt [Point Paul]. But since everyone knows I’m a true crowd pleaser, his friends loved me and I was welcome to stay. [Point Ella].

I decided to be one of those dumb girls who try hard to make a boy jealous. Uh, if you’re trying, you’re way too obvious. [Point Paul]. It won’t work. You’ve probably been on the other side when a guy is trying to make you jeal. And how do you feel? Embarrassed for the poor fool.

To make matter worse, I tried (don’t try, just do) to turn a total kickback into a dance party. I put on some bumpNGrind type song, grabbed Danny and danced up on him, while looking to see if Paul was watching. [Pathetic. Point Paul].  This was not working in my favor; not only did Paul not care/notice, Danny was getting the impression I was interested in him. Um def not. [Point Paul].

And then (light-bulb!) I got this bright idea. And if you dare to use it, you will end up completely satisfied with the results- that is- if you can pull it off. While grinding on Danny, I grabbed his neck, grabbed waist, and grabbed his (flat) ass. While groping his back end, I cleverly reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Poor Danny boy was so distracted by the grinding he did not notice. I then wrapped my hand around his neck, as if to to kiss him, while I texted myself from his phone, wow you are incredibly sexy. I slipped the phone back into his back pocket, and asked him to take a dance break.

I then pulled out my lovely T-Mobile Sidekick (it was 2008 people). I sat next to him, read my text and said in a shocked and surprised voice,

“Haha OMG wonder who this is? Danny do you know whose number this is?”

Danny: “It’s…mine?”

“It is? Wow!! Thank you, I think you’re cute too!” (Total lie).

Danny was not dumb enough to say he didn’t text me that himself, and since he was probably intoxicated just went along with the lie. Muahaha. We talked a bit and as everyone started leaving the party, I found it fitting to start ferociously making out with Danny on Paul’s couch. People, people, step right up to witness the amazing Ella swallow a grown man’s face! Paul was livid [Point Ella]. He saw us, went to his room, slammed the door [Point Ella]. Then stormed to his roommate’s room to complain [Point Ella]. The he came to the living room, I stopped to say “Oh is everything okay?” in my innocent Marilyn Monroe voice to appear sympathetic [but I wasn’t, so Point Ella]. He grunted, “I need to go on a walk”  as he walked out of the door in a haste avoiding eye contact with us [power of intimidation and humiliation Double Point Ella].  Paul knew he couldn’t kick out his main man Danny, nor could he c-block him. Homeboy couldn’t stand the heat so he left the kitchen aka his own house. [Point Ella]. Obviously once Paul left, my work was done. I mentioned having morning class and left Danny high and dry. [2 birds, 1 stone, 1 more point for Ella].

I win!

Lessons from Danny:

  • Men are easily distracted by the female form, use this to your advantage. Promise them the world with your hips, then tell them “nope” with your lips.
  • If you’re trying, you’re already losing. It’s when you dgaf that mind-games can truly be fun.
  • Perfect your Marilyn Monroe voice, it will come in handy often.
  • When you’re in a relationship keeping track of points is unhealthy and immature. But beforehand, keeping track of points is necessary. It keeps you from being delusional.

3 thoughts on “Trying Really (really) hard to Make a Crush Jealous

  1. Pingback: Benny W. « Ella Elle L'A

  2. Pingback: First Crushes « Ella Elle L'A

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