The Insane, Psycho Stalker

“The difference between romantic and psychotic is determined by how mutual the feelings are.”- Ella.

I’ve said it before, I’ll probably say it again: I went to an all-girls high school. Hopefully this can excuse my neurotic impulses when it comes to men. My first semester of college I was boy-crazy. I mean Internet Friends crazy. I shudder to remember all the times I’d knock on random dorm rooms. Hey boys wanna hang out? Or even worse all my booty calls, who I labeled “bc” in my phone that I would mass text. Yikes. The most stalkerish story I have to offer is the story of Casper. Oh Casper.

My best friend Sylvia and I went to the same high school, same college, and joined the same sorority. We’re pretty much inseparable, or we were til she decided to go to law school. Sophia was a Political Science major, and I was a Chemistry major. So she had normal men in her classes and I had….Chem/Bio/Math majors in my classes.

While walking her to the AF building, she introduced me to Casper. On a scale of 1 to 10, Capser is a solid five. But in my freshman eyes he was a god: athletic, tall, wore glasses, diabetic, pothead, yum. So I sat in on their class that day, and everyday the entire semester. The entire semester. I did the homework, I wrote the essays, took the tests, spoke in class, etc.
Mid-semester, the prof said “Ella you’re not on my roster? There must’ve been a mistake. We’ll talk to the dept. chair about getting you enrolled.” Unfortunately, I was already taking 17 units, so adding 3 more would increase my tuition. No thank you. The professor understood and really respected my desire to learn. I didn’t care about the credit, I was using that class to sit next to Casper twice a week. Nobody but Sophia and the professor knew I wasn’t enrolled.

A year later, Casper became roommates with Paul.  I took this opportunity to “hang out” at his house. And I finally hooked up with Casper!!!
Uh too bad it was horrible. The disappointment was a real slap in the face. But since I had the upperhand, I told him how I wasn’t really in our class. I thought he’d be flattered, but I think he contemplated a restraining order. Worst of all, I added a PoliSci minor my junior year and had to re-take that f-ing class (for credit).

I guess my lessons are:

  • When you build a guy up in your head, he’ll never live up to your expectations. Buh-leeeave me.
  • Let the guy pursue you. Girls appreciate gimmicks/ploys. We call it romantic, but guys call it batshitcrazy.
  • We all make stupid, stalker mistakes. Learn from it and move on. Feel guilty for driving by his house or bookmarking his facebook page? Well at least you didn’t write a 7 page paper on immigration laws for him.

19 thoughts on “The Insane, Psycho Stalker

  1. “The More Psycho in the Head, The More Psycho in Bed”

    Yes, I have resigned myself to the fact that I am “A – Psycho – But – Hawt, – Chick – Magnet.”

    • Ok, who is this Major Pain person? Your comments aren’t for real, are they? I love the link from the word “horrible” and am so sorry that happened – uh – or DIDN’T happen to you! Lame. You have stamina to endure an entire semester of class for a dude. Admit it, the class must’ve been pretty interesting!

      • hahah that would be my dad, he’s a Major Pain all right. In my ass. But he pays my bills, so I can’t complain. The class was so interesting I made it my minor, two years later and had to re-take the class (for real credit). 🙂

  2. Have to say that link is hilarious! LI are good most of the time but never seen that! Classic! Did that actually happen?!

    Have to say it is annoying when they go on all god like and really they are worse than any other!

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  5. I have been trying to figure out how to direct people to your blog – and this post in particular with the incredibly funny description about….batshitcrazy behaviour! I totally agree – if the guy isn’t chasing you, there isn’t enough attraction on his part to make it work anyway in the long run. And of course, yes, I did learn this the hard way…!

  6. Hey! Your blog really brightened my day, so funny and so true. I am just getting into this whole blogging thing.

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  8. Bon jour Ella… just by reading this post, I can tell you are definitely something. I may have had a few stalkers, but never one that was willing to attend a class for an entire semester, just because I was in it. Man! You are persistent.
    Trial and error in relationships will give you wisdom, and satisfy your hormonal urge for the moment. I understand crushes and all that, but you are worth something, don’t just easily give yourself and your heart to someone who doesn’t value it.

  9. Been reading your entries, and I enjoy how you weave your amusing personal experiences with insight. 🙂

    I really got to admit, there is that weird fine line between being cute and creepy. Especially when you’re in love, and I could definitely relate. Mine was the over-the-top version, the Forrest Gump and Jenny one in where I was willing to wait for months even though we had not shared mutual attraction from the start. Damn movie trailers overselling that wait-for-her-forever romantic plot.

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