The Waiter…while I was on a Date

If you don’t pick up the phone, I bet one of your Fraternity brothers will”- Macy

I like attention. Lots of it. I so desperately need be showered with love & affection every minute of every hour once every other day, or I will get it elsewhere (eg: his roommate, his fraternity brother, best friend, or all-the-above).

Benny was two years my junior. He was sweet. Cute. Blah blah. But at dinner he just talked about himself, his job, his family… yawn. Opposites attract: I’m self-absorbed, so the guys I date shouldn’t be. Enough about me, tell me what you think about me?

Our very sexy waiter, Matt, was 30-ish. He did the usual small talk thing. He was a man who cared to serve me. Naturally, I fell in love.
Matt offered You guys can stay after hours, share some wine and cigars with the chefs. I held my head in disappointment, I have a terrible headache. I think Benny and I are just going to head home. Benny paid the bill and took me home, like a good boy should. I waved Adios as Benny’s car backed out of the driveway.

Then I hopped in my car & drove back to Matt, like a good whore should. He expressed his excitement about me coming back… without Benny. Was this really happening? Did I really fake a headache to trade one man for another. Kudos to me. Cigar smoked filled my lungs and white wine tickled my throat. Yum. At the end of the night, Matt put his hand on mine and said exactly what I wanted to hear: Ella, I am undeniably attracted to you. I was so jealous of that guy you were with. And I didn’t think you’d really accept my invitation. (Cue: butterflies in my stomach) Yes, I could hear the wedding bells chime. Dum, dum, da-dum, dum, dum, da-dum.

Oh I heard wedding bells. Right as he uttered, but I have to tell you, I’m married. Shitcockdamnmotherfather. Of course the love of my life would be married to someone who isn’t me. I am so dumb, dumb, da-dumb, dumb, da-dumb. He continued, A part of me even considered pursuing this further. But I just can’t.  I had already dealt with a few married men before [future blog to come], I was not going to go through that humiliation again. Well, this was nice while it lasted. A record [look at invisible watch] 90 minutes. Bummer.

Life is so unfair. I took a leap of faith and landed flat on my face. Thankfully my hero, Oprah Winfrey, came to my rescue. About a week or two after meeting Matt, Oprah was concluding her final season on TV. She was showing a medley stories from past guests. She aired this disturbing story that I will not repeat (too sensitive slash sad). The guestspeaker was none other than Matt. On the real. Oh and in the horror story, he wasn’t the victim, he was the assailant. I took my remote and kept re-winding the clip. That Oprah show (not Matt’s wife) was the final nail in that coffin. The End. I win again!

Lessons, if there are any:

  • When there’s an undeniable mutual attraction, I say go for it. Even if you gotta fake a headache to do it.
  • But don’t date a married man, cheating is gross. I’ve said this before.
  • Also, in the clip, I found out he had a baby girl. Another minor detail he left out.
  • God bless Oprah.
  • God bless the ability to rewind live television.

24 thoughts on “The Waiter…while I was on a Date

  1. My question is: why did he wait 90 minutes to say something? When guys come onto me isn’t throwing in a “my husband and I…” or “ husband likes the weather..” the kind thing to do? He sounds a titch douchy for not saying it sooner especially if your connection was a smoldering as you say..

    Really admire you shutting it down asap.

    • He was def considering how far he could take it. Im glad he told me right away. He admitted that he had cheated before, but he didn’t wanna to down that path again. I hate the new trend of not wearing wedding bans.

  2. I was so curious I Googled up “Oprah show Matt”. If this is the same Matt you encountered, I feel bad for him either way, whether he met you before or after the incident mentioned. Can’t be an easy situation he’s in now, but he looks like a nice guy.

  3. okay… now you got me interested in the ‘married men’ situation. especially since I’ve had my fair share of experience with married women. And I swear, reading your blog sometimes is like reading about my own past when I was out there swinging around. except as a male version of you.

  4. Ahhh…the sting of the single woman and the married man. I hate when they do that. Do I have a sign on my head that says “yes I do like married men”…the way they hit on me, sometimes I feel like it.
    I had one guy at my work…he has to be 70, ask me about my husband. I said ” I don’t have one of those” to which he replied “oh…well…my wife…disabled…looking for a girlfriend…I have a lot to offer” I said “oh, well, I don’t know where to find one of THOSE” Ew…gag. I told one of my co-workers, she said “haha…all he ever talks to me about is his porche”. Weirdo.

    I got the lesson…go for it! And a headache is a good excuse to end a date!!

    • I feel the same way! I am also so sick of the growing trend of not wearing wedding bans. How am I supposed to know he’s off limits? So disgusting. And ew an old man to boot? Terrible!

  5. I kinda love this for the lessons alone, but also, just so very nice to know there are other like-minded women out there. 🙂

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